I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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