I'm eating all of the evidence.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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