Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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