I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
