She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
