im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
