Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
