its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
