He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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