I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
