you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
