i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
