is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
