I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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