Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
