That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
