Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
