you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
