I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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