You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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