I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
