I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
