he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
