Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
