Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
