Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
