Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
