Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
