What did we do last night that was yellow?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
