; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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