You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
