And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
