An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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