He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
