Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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