my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
