Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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