The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
we're so committed to being not committed
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
