now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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