now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
