Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
