wanna go halves on a baby?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
