Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
