maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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