now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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