You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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