I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
