ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
