FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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