I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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