I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
