I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
